Poignant, Random, Bittersweet

Musings from an ambivalent brain

No kids, ever. That gets me excited.

No kids, ever. That gets me excited.

YES! This is hilarious! Thanks @BuzzFeed

YES! This is hilarious! Thanks @BuzzFeed for the laugh! http://ow.ly/kozKT

Forlorn

Definition of Forlorn –

a : bereft, forsaken <left quite forlorn of hope> b : sad and lonely because of isolation or desertion   

: being in poor condition : miserable, wretched <forlorn tumbledown buildings>
: nearly hopeless <a forlorn attempt>
Hmm, may I have the definition of Bereft please?
b : lacking something needed, wanted, or expected
Okay, well, yes, that describes how I feel. I have a lot of things to be thankful for, and a lot of things that are just plain lousy. Another word popped to mind, but I opted to keep it clean. When life hands you lemons, how much lemonade can you make before the acid tears up your mouth and makes you sick? There are moments of happiness yes, but then there are moments of despair.
What’s worse is – I’m a Christian. I have been all my life and I don’t doubt my faith, there are several people in the Bible that had it worse than me. It just stings is all. I mean, I believe God loves me and I believe he has a plan for my life – How do I feel that love or discover the plan? I’ve read book after book and listened to teaching, I know what to say when counseling people, but the truth is – sometimes life just really sucks and you just have to get through it the best you can, leaning on Jesus, without complaining. That’s been my thing lately – don’t complain. I may be scraping the bottom of the barrel of life, but I don’t want to complain.
My heart may be so tender because I took a chance on love, when I knew it was risky, but I was surrounded by people cheering me on, but I won’t complain. They were wrong, I was right, but I listened to the mass and I lost. Now they aren’t hurting, I am. But I’ll get through and cling to my God. My finances may be in an uproar, and my attempt to pay off debt may be at a standstill, even though I’m giving tithes and offerings. I know the promises of God, so I’ll stand firm. I may feel more alone than ever, but I know God is with me and He will never leave me or forsake me.
So, Forlorn I may be, or bereft, as it were. I still have my life and I still have occasional reasons to smile.

You know who your REAL friends are…

First, I’m happy to say my day got significantly better after that last post. I really was able to apply changing my mindset…Thank God!

Now, to the topic at hand. You know who your real friends are when:

You have a birthday party and people respond to the evite right away and actually come.

You need help moving.

You need a ride to or from the airport.

You’re sick and need some 7-up and crackers.

You’re having relationship problems and just need to talk about it.

You’re in a depressing season and need some “happy people” around you.

Some of these situations I’ve been in, and some my friends have been in. These things really make you realize who actually cares about you and your welfare and who is just a hanger on, a facebook/twitter friend, with no real valued interest in your life. It makes me wonder how many times I’ve been there for my friend who is going through a rough season or the friend who is moving across town. How many airport trips have I made and when I say “do you need me to bring you anything” to a sick friend, do I really mean it? Have I been willing to “just listen” while a friend re-hashes her boyfriend troubles or am I completely annoyed? Am I a good friend? Oh it’s easy to point the finger and say “he’s not a good friend,” but it gets tough when I have to examine myself. How many birthday parties have I made it to this year and am I always thrilled to be there?

For the rest of this year, I want to focus on being a great friend, darn the consequences. The people I actually call “friends” in my life will have my full support, my presence, my help, my enthusiasm and my prayers. I may not get it back from them, but that’s the risk I’ll take. Because I want to be an outstanding person, a woman who goes out of her way for others. Someone’s watching…it may not be anyone on this earth, but someone is watching, and cares.

What the flip is the lesson?

Can I get a do over? The day did not start off fair. Somebody blow the whistle and let’s replay the point.

I mean, what the heck? That’s fine, it’s all fine,  there’s still time left to salvage this mess and reclaim this day as a good one.

It’s gonna take a fight, but hey, I’m discovering life is short and I don’t have time for bad days, especially at the fault of one person who doesn’t even know they’re responsible. And how fair is that? How the flip is that possible? One person can make anothers day so awful and walk round clueless. I say again, what the flip?

What are my options? I can 1. Let this feeling fester and take it out on everyone today 2. Do number 1 and refuse to talk to the offending party or 3. Forgive and start over and learn the lesson in it.

Okay, I choose 3, but what exactly is the lesson? How ’bout this? Don’t waste my friggin’ time with their “conundrum” in the first place. So much time wasted on something I already knew the answer to. Wait…it’s coming to me, I’m getting the lesson. How many times have I subjected friends to a topic I want to talk about – I need to talk about – and then later that topic is null and void? Or I finally do what one of them suggested in the first place? That must be so frustrating and annoying. I mean, what wasted time. In fact, I’m annoyed thinking about all those wasted hours – yes, it’s hours if you put it all together…

So that’s the lesson – Be thankful for my friends and family and God who listen to me talk about things that won’t matter in a day, week, month or year.

With that being said, today is going to be a great day!!!

For the love, no more weddings

It pains me to type this, but please, no more weddings. I can’t stand any more weddings this year, but I have at least 3 more in the next 2 months. Is this going to be yet another year I go solo to a zillion weddings being genuinely happy for my friends, and at the same time sequestering feelings of despair at being single caused all the “why are you still single” comments I inevitably hear at weddings? (Yes, I know that was a run on sentence, deal with it)

Please, married people, please, do not say the following to single people:

“Why aren’t you married yet?” And the various forms of this –

“You’re so beautiful, I can’t believe you’re not married yet.”

“You’re such a catch, what’s going on?”

“Maybe you’re too picky?”

“Have you tried online dating?”

“When it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.”

I have no appropriate response for you. None. Sure I manage to muster up something that sounds polite and thankful for your “words of wisdom,” but believe me, I’m trying very hard not to cuss you out. I mean, I don’t swear, but if I did, those moments would be the time those words would want to come flying out.

Again, I’m oh so happy for my friends, and I hope when that day comes for me (soon please!) my single gals will be happy for me too..but I’ll understand if they have just a slight pained expression on their face…I’ll understand.

Encouragement in Blogs

I like reading. I’m guessing you do too since you’re reading this. Some days, like today, I love sitting in the sunlight and reading people’s blogs. Sometimes I laugh, and sometimes I get angry, but often, I find encouragement. A blog I regularly read helped me today. My stomach seems to have expanded recently and I’ve wanted to do something about it. Steps to Skinny is a blog about a woman losing weight, and I don’t know why, but it motivates me. And that’s just what I needed today.